New Years Resolution *Take 26*

I’m over the cookie cutter self-improving resolutions of New Years past. 

I’ve  never lost weight, I’ve never gotten rich, and I’ve never married a celebrity.   What I have done is regress year by year, into more of a childish, egotistic, mumble talking,  slut-mobile.

What kind of resolutions does a person of this stature make?

Here are mine for 2011

1.   Not be crazy

As fun as it looks on TV, not as fun in real life.  I used to be gleefully insane, now I think I’m just losing it.  I’m hoping to get back to what I used to be.

2. Vacuum more often

This is something that I have no idea why I don’t do it.  My room always looks like a dog groomers with the amount of stray hair floating around.  It bunches into gross little hair colonies that I kick around with my slippers yelling ‘Ew!’ cause I think they’re  mice or something.    And I even enjoy vacuuming, and it really takes no time.  I like to take the attachments off so that it’s just the nozzle thing and I pretend to be an anteater sucking everything up off the floor.  So ya, uh, vacuuming in 2011.

3.   Become Sneakier

Anyone who knows me knows that I am already incredibly sneaky.   But there is always room for improvement.   I’ve watched all the Jason Bourne films, I’m decent at somersaults, and I’m trying to get rid of my cold so I don’t have the sniffles (a dead giveaway).  Pretty much, there isn’t a lot left to do, but when I find it, I will do it…  And then I’ll be where you least suspect me, and overall, can’t detect me.

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