Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas errrbody!

To commemorate the day, here is a poem that I wrote a few (billion) years ago when I was 19 and spending my first Christmas away from home with my then roommate Carly.

Twas the night before Christmas, at Carly and Kim’s

They were drunk as fuck, couldn’t move their limbs

The bottles were strewn, all over the floor

As the girls hoped and prayed, that there would be more

The girls were hammered, their blood laced with rum

With hopes that their 40, soon would be done

The surroundings were quiet, peaceful at best

Then Kim stumbled into a wall, murmuring, “I’m a fucking mess”

And Carly cackled, from her chair with glee

And soon exclaimed, “I have to pee!”

They talked and giggled, in Christmas delight

When suddenly came, a noise from the night

“On Smirnoff, on Wisers, on Stoli and Bacardi!

I parked my sled here so I could party!”

The girls stared at Santa, as if covered in mud

When he busted out his pipe, and dropped in a bud

They smoked themselves silly, and ate tons of food

Santa’s good chronic, sure lightened the mood

Yet Santa soon made, his way out the door

And left Kim and Carly, fucked up on the floor

His eyes were glazed, as he drove out of sight

“What the fuck!” yelled Santa,

“Those bitches stole my pipe!”

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