Losing Weight on Facebook

I have the unfortunate privilege of being friends with a couple other narcissists on facebook.

You might know the ones I’m talking about.   They’re in the process of losing weight, or starting a new fitness regimen, and they want the WHOLE fucking world to know. 

The first few statuses go like this,

Minerva is going for a 5km walk!

Minerva is oh my god, just finished the longest walk ever! so tired, but boy is it worth it!

Minerva is Started jogging today, walking is for pansies! But you gotta start somewhere!

Then all of their friends will write words of encouragement to these fucking mirror huggers and the cycle continues.  I’m all for self-improvement, but I hate people who do shit like this!  They just revel in the thought that people are envious of their new lifestyle and they totally get off on that notification thing being lit up on facebook.

It’s  fishing for compliments on a ‘global’ scale and I resent them for it.  I hate when they show up on my mini feed posing in front of their bathroom mirror with their phone or camera trying to make a face that shows they’re ‘serious’. Or like they don’t know they’re taking their own picture.  Or worse, they somehow get a friend to go out with them and have a self-love photo session in their backyard. 

If I wanted to spend my time being updated on other people’s weight loss/gain/see fatties in minimal clothes, I would just watch the Biggest Loser.

I could just un-friend them or take them off my feed, but that’s not the point!

Get your validation somewhere normal! Like at the bar! Or a whorehouse!

Stop putting your fucking meal plans as your statuses too, fuckwits! Nobody needs to know that gluten makes you run to the bathroom praying you don’t shit yourself on the way there! Nobody!

No one is going to call you and ask you to be an after photo!

God I’m getting worked up here! Worked Up!

It’s like they’re standing there all nonchalant in front of their mirror, secretly hoping to evoke admiration from their 100’s of facebook friends, who by the way, are not all  friends (as you can see here). 

Why not just workout and shut the fuck up about it?  Surprise people with your new physique the next time they see you. People love surprises.

I loathe when people try to get compliments. And when I see it happening, I do everything I can to shut it down. You gotta stonewall them.  And it’s pretty funny to watch them keep trying.

So once again, no real point, just had to get this out in the open, and if you’re doing this, please stop, it’s making my blood boil.


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Alison said,

    I am upset with you that you made “friend” into a verb. I still love/miss you! xo

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