The Gym

I’m starting to hate my gym.

Don’t get me wrong, I like to workout and act like an active person, but the gym….oh it’s gettin to me.

I go to an all girl gym, because I’m afraid to work out with boys.  The only workout I’m not afraid to do with boys includes dim/or bright lighting, minimal if any clothing, and a sturdy surface. 

I hate working out with boys, because when I work out, I get very self-conscious.  I sweat like a motherfucker. My face turns beet red, with splotchy patches of darker red, and sometimes stark white areas. It’s completely fucked and I don’t get it. I’ve googled it. I’ve Webmd’d it. I’ve tried to find others like me and I just can’t, and now that I think about it, I don’t want to.   Anyways, this is the reason why I don’t like to work out with boys, cause while some of them are just there focused on their  workout, some of them are walking around and checking out girls and judging girls like me. So I find that at the all girl gym, other girls also go there to avoid the boys. 

There’s a problem though.  Most of them hideous and fat. It is no picnic watching them stretch.  But it does alleviate my self-esteem issues when I’m there, cause they can’t judge me. Or they can, just like I judge them, but I mean, come on. 

A few weeks ago, I found another problem.  Other people I know go to this gym.  In fact, the other day, I met someone who works at this gym.  I was super pissed. I like to go there in the anonymity of the big girls and not worry about someone recognizing my aerobicized face, and now I know 3 people there!  Now I’m lurking around like Todd from Wedding Crashers trying not to make eye contact and sweat incognito.

It’s awful.

But I have to keep going and getting ugly in public cause it is after all, the right and healthy thing to do…

Can you imagine if you ever got so huge that you had to get gastric bypass surgery or were on The Biggest Loser crying and waving your bat-wing arms and getting yelled at by Jillian Michaels?  Being yelled at by Jillian Michaels I think is reason enough to starve yourself and take the stairs everywhere you go, I mean, fuck, she’s a beast.  She is pure evil in spandex. She’s all muscles and botox, and she’s botoxed everything in her face so all you can see when she’s yelling is fiery demon eyes and snarling nostrils.

Haha! Holy shit, look at her face!


2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    ashley said,

    HAHAHAHA this is the best blog Ive ever read. I had a whitespot burger today. AND onion rings. I am scared to have a heart attack. Im going to join your gym. Watch out!! I am soon to be the 4th person you know!

  2. 2

    kaley said,

    dont worry kimmy i wont join your gym. I like this post the best!!!!
    The Todd from wedding crashers reference was the best, atta girl.

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